To Wean or Not to Wean

For the past 7+ months I've been dreaming of the day I could quit pumping. I started with the goal of making it 6 months, hoping I would be able to produce enough to establish a good freezer stash that could get us close to the year mark. I have been blessed with an oversupply and for the first 5-6 months my daily output was twice what Squeak was eating, and the freezer quickly started filling up. So much so, we had to go out and buy a chest freezer. So now hundreds of freezer bags later, is it enough to justify starting the weaning process?

Blessed to have enough to freeze at the end of each day!!

Despite reading from several sources that it takes 12 weeks to "establish" a supply and you should pump 8-10 times a day until the 12 week mark, I dropped to 4 pumps per day (ppd) probably around four weeks, as I noticed it seemed at the end of the day, my output was the same whether I pumped eight times or four times. I think it's also worth mentioning that I was never too worried about my supply (a pumping mom who NEVER worries even a little about her supply simply doesn't exist). I didn't/don't have anything against formula and if for whatever reason my supply tanked, there was always formula. And trust me, there have been several times I wished something WOULD happen to my supply so I could get out of having to pump. Also being able to provide [more than enough] food for my son finally made carrying these things around on my chest for 28+ years worth it!! But I digress. My average daily output was about 50 ounces, which I maintained pretty much through the six month goal. Between some hectic days around this time and feeling a little lax since I had made my goal, I dropped to 3ppd and was still producing 40-45 ounces per day. Just in the past few weeks I've dropped to 2ppd producing about 30 ounces a day, which is just about exactly what Squeak eats daily (28 ounces).

So I've been more seriously toying with the idea of weaning now in the past week or so. They (the mom's in an "exclusively expressing/pumping" group I'm part of on Facebook) always tell mom's who share with the group that they are struggling, "don't quit on a bad day," but it's so much easier to quit when it's not going well, when it feels like you're constantly having to schedule a day around the pump, when the sound of the pump is on your very last nerve, when all you want to do is go to bed but you need to pump...you get the point. I'm finding it much harder to make the decision to quit and set a date to be done. I think there's several reasons for this:

1) Feeling selfish. There are several mom's who choose to pump and desperately want to provide what is "best" for their child, but for whatever reason they can't. I know everyone has to do what works for them and for their life/circumstances, so if I feel like now is the time to be done and to ride it out to the year mark on our freezer stash, then I shouldn't feel guilty. But what makes me feel guilty/selfish is that there really isn't anything that has changed in my life to make me unable to continue to pump, I just simply want to be done.

2) Fear. Fear of the freezer stash not being as much as I think it is and running out (I should really count it). Fear of Squeak refusing the frozen milk. I've thawed about two months of the frozen and given it to him, but it's always been mixed with fresh. Fear of improperly going about the weaning process and ending up in pain (mastitis). Maybe even a bit of fear of change, a change in a routine that has worked and I've become comfortable with for the past 6 months.

3) Easy calories. Let's be serious, producing milk is an "easy" workout (20-30 calories per ounce of milk, you can do the math). My plan is to get back to doing my at-home DVD workouts once I quit pumping. I'm going to have to do some kind of workout and start watching what I eat again. BOOO!!!

With all that said, my proposed date to quit is SUNDAY, Squeak's 8 month birthday. I was good with this decision until about Wednesday. Goodness, I never ever would have imagined in a million years how hard this decision would be!!!

Squeak enjoying him some "boob juice"