Passion, Persistance & Payoff

Here it is 11 o'clock at night and I'm just now getting around to starting this blog that I've been thinking about over half the day. I know if I go to bed without putting these thoughts in to writing, they won't ever make it outside my mind, and sometimes I think I just need a good clearing out of my mind from time to time.

The past 1-1/2+ years I've become very passionate about changing Matt and I's lifestyle, and paying it forward as much as possible for those looking for solutions in this area.  And as easily as I could digress into the back story, this post is really being written more to focus on today's accomplishments/realizations.

About 4 months ago I determined I needed to regain focus on myself in order to figure out and solve some problems I'd been having with binge eating and food guilt that was causing a lot of unwanted stress to my life.  In doing so, I have gone back to tracking my calories in MyFitnessPal, and in addition, been tracking my macros (here's an article with further information for those interested).

My goal is to still eat as clean and balanced as possible, but also know my target calorie and macros are my overall goal, so if I want something that isn't clean, if it fits my macros (IIFYM) and I'm consistently getting my workouts in, I haven't committed some kind of nutritional sin. It sounds over the top, but it's not that far off of what my reality had become.

With a weird morning...Hayden waking up at 4am and finding myself downstairs on the couch resting off and on between his demands requests for a couple hours, then going back to bed (and pushing Matt out of bed to go down and get his workout done), I ended up not waking up until 9:30 or so. Come supper time, I had plenty of calories remaining to have pretty much anything I wanted...OK, maybe a large Casey's pizza would've broke the calorie bank...lol.  I himmed and hawed for 30-45 minutes over what I could have.

Here's what I ended up with (pretty much all leftovers in the fridge)...

Matt was on the road and hinted to the fact he'd probably be stopping for Mexican, so naturally my thought was, "If he gets Mexican, then I'm gonna have Mexican!" Haha! 

With 900+ calories going in to supper, I really didn't even worry about approximating in my head the calories going into the burrito, because I wasn't too worried I was going to go over, and if it was the last thing I ate, I was comfortable with that fact. As you can see here, I still had nearly an entire meals worth of calories left. The freedom to make the Grilled Stuffed Burrito however I thought sounded best was really quite nice! :D  It's the little things that make me happy...and Mexican food!

So then with a little over 400 calories remaining, I had the dilemma freedom to have pretty much whatever I desired for a sweet treat / dessert as well. :D

After looking at where I stood with my macros, the carb and protein I had left looked awfully similar to the Shakeology nutrition label, and "brownie batter" pretty much always sounds amazing, it was pretty much a no-brainer. My fat macro was lacking pretty significantly today, so that's why I threw in the walnuts for this batch.

As I mentioned, I had a lot of freedom going into this evening, and was pretty set on "treating" myself to something I wouldn't typically reach for...and I DO feel like I treated myself, it just ended up being a realization that I do in fact find myself gravitating toward clean/healthy options after over a year of consciously making wise decisions that fuel my fitness goals. Yay!

My perfectionism still runs wild getting caught up in playing Macro Tetris each day, but I'm far more relaxed than I used to be, my binge eating doesn't seem to be a major issue, I feel stronger than ever in my legs and core in particular, and even though my weight is a little higher than I "think" it should be, I'm feeling more and more confident my body composition is going in the right direction.

As I was telling my sister-in-law, who was hanging out with Hayden and I this afternoon/evening, there are definitely times I miss the days of not being so particular and careful about weighing/measuring food, I certainly don't miss the consequences of improperly fueling my body.  Right now, this is what is working for me, and I will continue down this path until it no longer seems to be working at which point I'll go back to researching solutions for whatever the new issue may be.

By the way, it was fun for me to be able to have her here to fix a couple healthy meals for...I always get a little nervous, wondering if my tastebuds and body have changed enough that something I find delicious, is going to produce the same reaction for someone accustomed to a different food/flavor/taste palette. If you know her and see her (when I'm not around), ask her what her thoughts were on the burrito...but what she told me was that she liked it! :D  Hopefully it got her excited about next week's {free} healthy choices accountability group I'm hosting via a new mobile app. Shoot me a message for instructions on how to get a personal invite with instructions headed your way!