The Base of My Confidence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few months about our previous lake season.

There are days/nights that I am ashamed of.

I ask myself, “Why?”

One of the reasons that always comes up is because I see how happy Matt is when I am quote-on-quote happy and let loose.

But what if I’m not happy.

Choosing a bikini and being sociable (introvert probs), He sees “confidence.”

I see the opposite.

I want to have a nice physique for Matt, yes.

But only for Matt (and me).

I want my confidence to be in Christ.

To be modest.

And pure.

I want my confidence to be in being a wife.

Who looks and feels good for her husband to enhance our PRIVATE time together.

Who respects other wives and their marriages/husbands.

I want my confidence to be in being a mom.

Who is setting a good example for her child.

Who is playing, enjoying, and making memories in these oh so precious formative years.

I want my confidence to be in being a health and fitness coach.

Who is consistently modeling a healthy lifestyle through my God-given physical strength and my persistence in overcoming my struggles with food.

So why did I drink an entire summer and make poor decision after poor decision…

It was much more than the in-the-moment goal to have a good time.

It was to feel a sense of confidence.

But I lacked the clarity (and/or flat out ignored the signs) of my hearts desires and true confidence I seek as listed above. 

Here’s to a year of knowing better!

The beginning of a lifetime
of being true to myself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**These comments are based solely on the author's personal struggles.**