First Nickname
I'm going to start with this so I can use it throughout the post. :-) When we got home late Thursday night, we were standing in the living room for the first time as a family. With this being our first, everything is new to us. I'm sure many babies "squeak" when they are new and don't have many other sounds they are capable of making...but our baby seemed to do nothing but make little squeaks, so his dad and I started calling him "Squeak," "Squeaker," or "Squeaks" right from the start. We think we're clever, and it's cute and unique to us and our son. If you also nicknamed your baby Squeak, cool, but please don't tell me about it and pop my bubble. Lol. If you have a nickname story about your child that doesn't involve Squeak, please share.
Breastfeeding
Feeding is a big deal. I know, news flash, right?!?! During my pregnancy, there was really no doubt in my mind I'd be breastfeeding. My reasoning of thinking my "big" breasts were finally going to have a purpose may have been wrong. No, actually I had just heard how expensive formula is and decided I didn't want to have to go back to work the day I left the hospital just to be able to feed my son. Okay, okay, in all honesty, I had heard all the benefits of breast milk for babies and wanted to give my son the best nutrition I could.
So skin-to-skin immediately after birth, as recommended by "the experts" was the plan to help get us off to a good start. C-section changed those plans.
As soon as I was able, we started nursing. The kid was a rock star. Mom felt like a rock star. Life was good and we were all eating good. Nursing continued to go great at the hospital, and we left very confident, ready to get comfortable at home in our own environment.
Thursday night and Friday during the day were good. BUT, then the struggles began. Squeak was hungry but not getting a good latch. I felt like a failure and was crying. (I've quickly realized as the mother of a "helpless" baby, I, as the mom, feel like I am failing when I something is wrong/uncomfortable/etc.)
Squeak had gone nearly 10 hours without eating due to latching problems, and we knew we needed to do something. I was of course crying and didn't want to talk to anyone through my tears, thinking of a few friends I could call if I could pull myself together. However, my mom suggested maybe we call and talk to a nurse at the hospital instead. I made a list of everything I thought might be pertinent, called Matt in from mowing the lawn, and made the call on speaker phone. Praise the Lord for my wonderful husband being there for me and Squeak. Once the nurse was on the phone and he got the conversation started, I was able to pull myself together and talk to the nurse. We loaded up as a family and headed to the hospital for an appointment with the lactation consultant.
After being forgotten about by registration in the ER waiting room, we finally made it to our appointment to get some help/answers. Squeak latched on like a rock star again once the nurse showed us a different technique for getting him the nipple, and we had regained confidence. Back home, ready to conquer all hunger. Oh, I should also note I wore slippers to town, as I was still not yet adjusted to "real life." Lol.
Back home we did good until the night again. I have a friend who successfully breastfed for 18 months and was very knowledgeable on the subject, so I text her an update Sunday morning that we were having the same problems and had once again gone 8+ hours with no food and that I was beyond discouraged. Her nearly immediate response, "On my way."
"She was our angel today."
On her way she was. She first handed me a Mike's Hard Lemonade and told me it wouldn't hurt me or Squeak, and that I needed to relax. Amazing how those things dried up my tears. She also had a special mix made of dry milk and dark corn syrup for us to Squeak to get something in his stomach. How does she know all this?!? Told ya she was smart.
Between her and my sister (who was also an angel), we spent all day Sunday trying and trying and trying new things. My sister had gone to Salina and bought nearly every breast feeding aid there was. The final thing we pulled out...a nipple shield. Finally, success.
I'd also like to note here that my mom was going to take off Saturday morning, but after my rough night, she agreed to stay until I was comfortable. She even sent a text on Sunday morning when she was finally on her way home that said she could turn around if she needed to, after hearing about our second rough night. Bless her heart! There were also several friends keeping in contact via text, giving advice and encouragement. I honestly can't think of another time I felt so surrounded and embraced with loving friends and family. Get yourself surrounded with people who care and people you are comfortable with if you're going to breast feed. I never imagined how exhausting and emotional it would be, and I couldn't do it on my own.
That night as Matt and I were praying, he thanked the Lord for our friend and said, "She was our angel today."
(The nipple shield worked for a couple days, but we were still struggling with consistently latching and I was an emotional wreck, so on Wednesday morning, I made the decision I was going to pump exclusively and get him the "boob juice" via a bottle. More work, yes, but he's getting the breast milk AND a happy mom, which was another thing my friend stressed the importance of. You have to do what is right and works for you and your baby.)
The 3-hour Routine
Adjusting to the feeding schedule of a newborn takes more than the first month, I can tell ya that much. And although the first several days the child just wanted to sleep and I had to set an alarm clock for night feedings, I can assure you I no longer have a need for an alarm clock. (Well, today I set one for 9:30 because I wanted to lay down with Squeak for awhile, but had stuff I wanted to get done before he woke again.)
By the time I feed him, get him settled down, pump, clean the bottles and pumping stuff, there's just not much time left. This, on our good days, is getting much better.
Today I felt like Wonder-Mom...I took care of Squeak, finished balancing the checkbook, cleaned the house for a showing at 6, packed bags for all three of us for our first family Minnesota trip, and even gave "the pink dancing lady logo legs." I may have forgotten to stop for a meal for myself, and was desperately in need of pumping before Squeak woke up looking for another bottle, but I did it!!
As it is said though, once you get comfortable with how things are going, something will change. At four weeks, Squeak got really gassy. We're still in the process of differentiating between gassy cries and hungry cries, but we're getting it figured out and finding some comfort solutions for the gas.
Mommy Brain
When I initially started this post and made this subhead, I had one story to share. However, after receiving a text from my best friend today, I now officially have two stories to share.
The first one happened on a blistering hot Wednesday afternoon. It was a rare day that actually had a schedule. Our realtor organized a tour of our home and a few others in Minneapolis by offering other Salina realtors a trip up on a party bus with drinks and snacks. I knew I had to have the house looking good and be gone by 3pm. Since it was Wednesday, it was a perfect day to head over to Lincoln for my co-workers to meet Squeak. About 2:30pm I was loading the car and figured I should get it running to cool it down to at least 100 degrees before loading Squeak. The next 28 minutes were spent searching for my key which was not to be found anywhere. Time to plan "Plan B."
Today's mommy moment still makes me feel like a real "dip." My best friend text me and said,
"So I see that our baby showers r on the same day and at the same time. I was wondering if there is a time we can meet so I can meet little Hayden and give u your gift???"
I kid you not, I didn't have a date set for my baby shower in Minnesota yet when I got her invite. I noticed right away her shower was the weekend we were going to be in Minnesota and it would work out perfect to schedule it the opposite day of the weekend. I could have SWORN the invite said hers was Saturday, so I scheduled mine for Sunday. Perfect, perfect, perfect...NOPE. Read the invite wrong and scheduled my shower right on top of hers. Gah, I'm still mad at myself! Thankfully it's going to work out for her to stop by and see us Saturday.
My first outting with Hayden
There's not a whole lot to say here other than it was FAR more exhausting and taxing on me than I ever would have imagined. We had a one week doctor appointment, and at this point we were still breastfeeding (with an inconsistent latch). Oy.
My first outting without Hayden
Oh my goodness. The actual day and outting was amazing, but the night before, making the plans, I could have cried us out of our drought last spring.
In order to take part in the day, it was going to require something new. Either taking Hayden on his first day trip in the motorhome, or leaving him alone with a sitter, I went back and forth between those two options, and the option of just staying home with him and letting Matt go, for a few hours I would guess. And everytime I looked at him, I cried a little more.
Hormones are seriously CRAZY! At one point I had to admit to Matt that being able to leave him with a sitter made me feel like I wasn't needed. I mean, up to this point, I had been with him nearly every moment since he'd been born (besides one or two times when he was with his dad). But both of us being gone, this was crazy talk. I couldn't eat supper. I was so distraught. I finally asked Matt if we could set a time to leave and a time to be back home so I knew what to expect of the day. I could prepare myself for that way, and it worked good.
Squeak's grandma came up and took care of him for the day, and Matt and I were able to load up the RZR and go spend a day together as a couple, really without any worry. Thanks to all who made the day so enjoyable...it was sure great to see Squeak at the end of the day, though.
Walks in the Park
I've been excited about getting back in to shape again since about the second month of pregnancy. We've been going on several family walks, which have been great, and it feels great to be out moving around. I really enjoy taking Hayden with and being able to watch him as I walk. It sure makes the time seem to go by much quicker.
So the other night while I was over at the track, my legs, my brain and my heart said, "let's try running." Yeah......my boobs said, "there's no bra that will support these milk jugs, try again in six months." Kind of a sad moment, and I'd like to think I won't have to wait six months, but I'm afraid the boobs don't lie. Wish me luck, I guess; and until then, we'll keep walking.
THE END
(Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to post again before it has to be a big long post about the second month.)
